he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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