She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize