Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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