Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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