I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
