i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
