legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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