Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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