This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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