I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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