so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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