4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
