community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
