I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
