Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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