the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
