I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
