this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
