Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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