paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
