I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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