it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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