If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
