someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
