That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
