i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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