Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The best revenge is premature balding
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
