So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
