She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
