ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
