the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
