so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
