Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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