can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
