Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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