i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
