No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
