Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
