my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
