I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize