it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize