i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
