Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
