he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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