I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
