Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm at about main and main street
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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