I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This house was built for laser tag.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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