i permit you to call me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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