fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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