hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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