I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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