Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this will be a night to untag.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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