bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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