your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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