take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
