Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
