he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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