i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
