The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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