someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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