i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
