It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
